LOOPHOLE (1981)

Two legends of the acting world rob a bank in the dullest way possible.

1981 was an exciting time filled with Concords, Ford Cortinas and King Size Rothmans. You would be forgiven for thinking that a bank heist escapade starring Martin Sheen AND Albert Finney in these heady days makes for a great film on paper. But films aren’t made on paper. Indeed, Loophole looks like it was made on sandpaper with it’s sub-Youtube picture and wonky soundtrack. From the exciting title screen I knew I was in for a tense and gripping rollercoaster ride.


Sheen is a recently unemployed architect who is running low on pounds (because he lives in England). That’s pretty much all the background we get on his character. He has a wife, who needs £10,000 for some project involving cloth which is never really explained. He has a chubby son, who has made the school cricket team.

“Wicket keeper? Is that like a zookeeper?” American Dad quips. That’s character development out of the way, on with the boringness.

Unwittingly, he joins Finney’s collection of wooden crooks. I include Finney in this. A man who’s been nominated for the Best Actor oscar FOUR times.

They hatch a plan, to tunnel into the bank vault through the sewers using Sheen’s knowledge of maps and stuff. This is the middle hour of the film and it is mind numbing. Here is a picture of the most exciting bit.


This thing was on 29% for ages. It was TENSE. It was GRIPPING. I had to reload the film.

They make it to the vault and start loading up on loot, but outside it starts pissing down and the sewers fill up with water. Finney and the lads decide to get out with the stuff, but Sheen elects to stay behind because he thinks it’ll be safer but there’s a chance he might get caught. Then we get a few shots of the crooks struggling in the rapidly flooding sewer looking like they’re going to drown and some of Sheen looking glum in the rapidly flooding bank vault. Then the weird bit. It ends! It cuts to Sheen in the bath and his wife saying “Hey Martin Sheen, when did you get home?” Then it shows that he has spent all his money on a new architectural firm and a snazzy new moustache.


The very last scene shows Finney coming into his office and saying “I’ve got a job for you.” Then they shake hands. It’s like there’s a whole 10 minutes missing, just when the viewer is beginning to wake up! I don’t mind a film that leaves you guessing about the ending but this is ridiculous and lazy. It’s as if they thought, “This film isn’t going anywhere, lets just cut to the bit where everything works out OK at the end.”

And so in conclusion, Loophole is poorly thought out, badly acted and totally devoid of suspense or drama. Therefore, Loophole is:

BAD